This week we’re talking about maybe the most talked-about film of all time, Citizen Kane. It’s hard to find things that haven’t already been said about this movie, but boy do we try! What would a modern retelling of this movie be like, and why would it be a miniseries instead? What decade of film should we throw in the trash? And has anyone else noticed Charles Foster Kane is kinda similar to a certain political figure we have today?

Also, why we hate car windows. (Recorded December 23rd, 2023.)

Today we’re getting into the festive spirit and talking about one of the most beloved Christmas movies, It’s a Wonderful Life. We cover everything including the banking loans, the crappy colorized version, what that fake snow really was, and also we make several misguided allusions to Back to the Future Part II.

Also, why we hate spoiled food. (Recorded December 17th, 2023.)

This week we’re talking about Godzilla Minus One, the surprise hit from Toho Studios in Japan. We discuss the sincere and sweet human characters, the shockingly small budget, and the agenda behind Godzilla’s violence. Do you pronounce terror and tearer the same way?

Also, why we hate Samuel’s house being haunted. (Recorded December 10th, 2023.)

If you thought we were never gonna talk about 1997’s Donnie Brasco, then you can “fuhggedaboutit,” cause we’re taking about it today! We’re both pretty lukewarm on this one but still find things to discuss in our two lead performances, the unique and visual storytelling tricks, and Samuel admits that some mobster movies are in fact like Mean Girls.

Also, why we hate a throwaway reference Samuel made two months ago. (Recorded December 3rd, 2023.)

Today we’re talking about This Is Going to Hurt, a wonderful and gruesome book about Adam Kay’s experience in medicine. We discuss how well written this book is and how well integrated its themes are, and how we relate to it with several of our own personal experiences in the workforce. 

Also, why we hate even more awkward interactions with cashiers. (Recorded November 26th, 2023.)

This week we’re discussing the terrific and difficult new film Killers of the Flower Moon. How does Scorsese’s script compare to the book? Is Lily Gladstone’s performance the best in the movie? (Yes.) How is Leonardo DiCaprio able to consistently date women under 26? And why does Robert De Niro keep making grandpa movies? All that and more!

Also, why we hate when you can tell someone is lying during small talk. (Recorded November 19th, 2023.)

Today we’re tackling Mean Girls, the generation-defining cult classic from the early 2000s. It’s pretty clear from the first two minutes that Samuel was not gonna be a fan, but we still get some good discussion about social anxiety, the two terrific lead performances, and lots of arguing over what it’s like to be a teenager.

Also, why we hate bad skylight layouts. (Recorded November 12th, 2023.)

This week we’re talking about yesteryear’s satirical thriller The Menu. We discuss how mixed and half-baked some of the themes are, our favorite worm boy Nick Holt, and propose several questions we’re not prepared to answer, such as: how many psychopaths are there (in this movie)? How many oceans are there (in the world)?

Also, why we hate the shelving of Coyote vs. Acme. (Recorded November 10th, 2023.)

Today we’re closing the book on our mummy series by going through and discussing all the interconnected mummy spinoffs and sequels that were just too bad for us to devote an entire episode to. The 40s sequels with Lon Chaney Jr.? Covered. The Mummy Returns from 2001, and the Scorpion King movies? We watched them. What about all the silent film era movies that vaguely mention a mummy? Well we couldn’t watch them because most of them are lost, but we still cover them!

Also, why we hate recent Dead Reckoning Part Two news. (Recorded November 5th, 2023.)

This week we’re talking about Tom Cruise’s attempt at a mummy film, 2017’s The Mummy, a film that we agree is probably the worst we’ve ever seen. We go deep into theorizing how this became such a colossal mess, rag on how offensive certain parts of this movie are, and go on several much-needed tangents simply to avoid our main topic.

Also, why we hate “thanks for coming to the movies” messages. (Recorded October 22nd, 2023.)

(Apologies to Sofia Boutella, who we accidentally call “Sofia Boutel” a couple times.)

Today we talk about what is perhaps the most beloved Mummy film, 1999’s The Mummy, starring Brendan Fraser! We discuss how much of a right-place-right-time vibe this film has, how Rick O’Connell is basically the coolest person in the world when you’re twelve, and draw some surprising similarities between our titular character and a certain shapeshifter from Star Trek.

Also, why we hate parking in the free air spot. (Recorded October 15th, 2023.)

This week we continue our trek into mummy movies with 1959’s The Mummy. Is this movie just a mishmash of plots from the forgotten mummy sequels of the 40s? Yes! Does that mean it’s any good? No! Despite being bored to tears by this film, we manage to answer some of the real questions, like “are the mummies naked under there?” and “how much tongue is too much tongue to cut off?”

Also, why we hate being out of shape. (Recorded October 8th, 2023.)

This week we begin out monthlong mini-series/investigation into films simple titled The Mummy, starting with the original from 1932. We discuss how comparable this is to other monster movies of the time period, debate the cool factor of the Mummy’s magic powers, and get really existential over what we should be doing with the dead.

Also, why we hate corporate acquisitions. (Recorded October 1st, 2023.)

Today we’re unpacking Widows, Steve McQueen’s excellent heist movie from 2018. We discuss Viola Davis’ magnetic performance, Colin Farrell’s questionable accent, Elizabeth Debicki’s towering height, and for some reason go on an extended tangent about gambling in mobile games. 

Also, why we hate plantar warts. (Recorded September 24th, 2023.)

This week we’re discussing Inglorious Basterds, Tarantino’s bloody and bashful WWII fantasy film. We go over the disjointed chapter structure, the two brilliant scenes of tension (both of which feature underground rooms), and Henry says a lot of mean things about Mr. Tarantino (sorry not sorry).

Also, why we hate inconsistent subtitles and title cards. (Recorded September 17th, 2023.)

Today we’re talking about Singin’ in the Rain, widely regarded as the greatest musical of all time. This was a first-time watch for both of us so we discuss why we’ve been reticent about musicals in the past, which dance sequences were our favorites, and recap how troubled this production truly was behind the scenes.

Also, why we hate Goldfish cartons shrinking. (Recorded September 10th, 2023.)

We’re back after a couple weeks away to recount our recent travel experiences. We go through the many do’s and don’t’s of travel, debate how much of a “tourist-y” vacation one should have, and mostly we just go on tangents about fantasy books and Covid and using a Segway to do your grocery shopping.

Also, why we hate missing a flight. (Recorded September 9th, 2023.)

This week we’re talking about Signs of the Sojourner, an excellent roguelike game about having conversations with people… with cards? We discuss the beauty and simplicity that’s core to the gameplay, the brilliant and detailed world building, and marvel over how different our two playthroughs of the game were.

Also, why we hate judgmental non-jaywalking. (Recorded August 16th, 2023.)

Today we’re talking about Emily the Criminal, the surprise indie hit from last year with tension, action, and Aubrey Plaza breaking bad. We discuss the movie’s way of commenting on the current economic climate, how much of that commentary ultimately worked for us, and we try to remember the difference between prisons and jails.

Also, why we hate scheduling. (Recorded August 6th, 2023.)

We’re back and we’re talking this week about White Noise, a movie that Henry thought would be a good companion piece to Barbie. Is it though? We wind our way through this puzzling plot, and go down several tangents such as crowds doing “the wave,” orbital lasers, cat boogers, and more, but eventually we end up back in the supermarket.

Also, Henry might be the a-hole in the movie theater. (Recorded July 30th, 2023.)

Today were covering Barbenheimer, the story of a theoretical stereotypical physicist doll who must fix a rip between the real world and Barbieland while trying to create an atomic bomb. Also Albert Einstein is there and all of Ken's clothes fit him!

Also why we hate strike-related delays and limitations on sped-up audio playback. (Recorded July 23rd, 2023.)

After five long weeks of buildup, the end is finally here (or, at least, the first part of the end, although also Tom Cruise is willing to do more of these). Whatever the case, we’re talking about Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One today. We discuss the heightened camp throughout, the capabilities of the Entity, the pointlessness of Rome, and go on tangents about city names and the lack of food in this universe.

Also, why we hate the amount of stuff constantly happening. (Recorded July 13th, 2023.)

We’re nearing the end of our Mission: Impossible series as we review the fifth film in the franchise this week: Rogue Nation. We cover the introduction of MI6 agent Ilsa Faust, the immaculate pacing and structure of this film, and how the titular Rogue Nation is a little more like a Rogue Discord Group.

Also, why we hate breaking the car keys. (Recorded July 6th, 2023.)

This week we’re talking about Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol, or as we like to call it, Ghost 4rotocol. Topics discussed include Ethan’s blood, bouncy houses, weird rings, the “kaboom” list, and the logistical nightmare that is running IMF.

Also, why we hate squirrels on the bird feeder. (Recorded Jun 27th, 2023.)

Today we’re talking about Mission: Impossible III, the 2006 course correction from acclaimed television director J.J. Abrams. We discuss how Henry likes this movie more than he should, how Samuel just thinks it’s forgettable, Ethan's flimsy cover story about traffic, and we pen a very special Hippocratic oath just for Julia.

Also, why we hate the second life of Henry’s watch. (Recorded June 19th, 2023.)

This week we’re talking about Mission: Impossible 2, a sequel that takes a sharp left turn in the wrong direction. We discuss the poor representation of Ethan Hunt’s morals, the complete lack of interesting global set pieces, and sort of start to lose our minds around the midway point.

Also, why we hate leaving your watch on in the pool. (Recorded June 11th, 2023.)

Today we’re embarking on our newest mini-series: reviewing all the Mission: Impossible films! We start at the very beginning in 1996, where we’re first introduced to Tom Cruise’s Ethan Hunt. Why did they drop the ball so hard on making him an action star with sex appeal? Why does the tech in this movie feel somehow dated and timeless? Who empties the trash can in the vault?

Also, why we hate bricking disc drives. (Recorded June 4th, 2023.)

This week we’re talking about physical media and media ownership in general. We discuss the benefits and reasons behind owning media physically, how we curate our own collections of movies, music, books, and games, and also just rant about how terrible the age of streaming content has become.

Also, why we hate how bad drivers have become. (Recorded May 29th, 2023.)

Today we’re talking about Princess Mononoke, the 1997 classic that is truly one of Studio Ghibli’s best outings. We spend a lot of time talking about the movie but we also spend as much time arguing about color theory and sharing our favorite experiences in Tears of the Kingdom.

Also, why we hate mowing the lawn. (Recorded May 20th, 2023.)

This week we’re talking about Greta Gerwig’s 2019 remake of the beloved classic Little Women. We discuss the realistic and endearing portrayal of family bonds, the unrealistic portrayal of Florence Pugh as a 13-year-old, and ask the most important question: what’s the deal with Hannah?

Also, why we hate applying for a passport. (Recorded May 13th, 2023.)

In preparation for Barbie later this summer, we’re covering Greta Gerwig’s two solo directorial efforts, starting with 2017’s Lady Bird. We discuss the flawed and familiar character of Lady Bird, the confident and mature directing from Gerwig, and we determine what physical attachment Lucas Hedges needs in each movie (in this movie, he needs a hug).

Also, why we hate when characters sit in the middle seat in the back of a car. (Recorded May 7th, 2023.)

Today we’re talking about Pokemon Infinite Fusion, that fan-game that asks the question: what if you could fuse two Pokemon together, and create entirely new monsters? We discuss how fun and imaginative this game is, Samuel walks through his Elite Four-winning team, and we discuss some of our other favorite fan projects including speedruns and randomizers.

Also, why we hate the death of single-minded focus. (Recorded April 30th, 2023.)

(Check out the Infinite Fusion Calculator here.)

This week we’re reviewing Portrait of a Lady on Fire, one of the best films in recent memory. We discuss the picturesque setting, the sparse yet poignant script, and the yummiest thing in the movie (it’s the midnight snack Marianne makes).

Also, why we hate when people read numbers in an arhythmic way. (Recorded April 23rd, 2023.)

Today we’re talking about Eyes Wide Shut, Kubrick’s final (and possibly weirdest?) film. We discuss the perfectionism on display throughout, the monetary cost of Bill’s odyssey, and we uncover the identity of the red cloak. There’s lots of other bits, it’s maybe the dumbest podcast we’ve ever recorded.

Also, why we hate foreign objects entering our eyes (skip to 11:25 if you wanna avoid this). (Recorded April 16th, 2023.)

This week we’re knocking out the movie that’s been on Henry’s watchlist the longest: 1999’s Fight Club. Topics include the “we live in a society” themes and the flaws with that idea, the grungy and in-your-face attitude of the film, and we also wonder about the implications of getting your balls cut off.

Also, why we hate that we can’t talk about fight club. (Recorded April 10th, 2023.)

Today we’re talking about 1988’s Grave of the Fireflies, a film that has been on Samuel’s watchlist longer than any other. We discuss the incredibly depressing and sad nature of the film, ponder the choices of the main character and how it compares to the real-life story, and wonder why ice cream flavors sometimes have terrible names.

Also, why we hate Apple’s filing system. (Recorded April 2nd, 2023.)

This week we’re back with Rant Day VII, our seventh podcast that is full of rants, tangents, and not much else! We cover everything from mp3 files, ethernet cables, plastic wrap, the lack of card tables, the over-hyping, hyper-editing, and much more.

(Recorded March 28th, 2023.)

Today we’re continuing off our discussion of Yojimbo last week with the follow-up film Sanjuro. Topics include Mifune’s continued excellence, the beautiful imagery of the camellia flowers, and the question of whether or not JJ Abrams pioneered 80s nostalgia.

Also, why we hate Garageband’s MP3 restrictions. (Recorded March 19th, 2023.)

This week we’re talking about the Kurosawa film Yojimbo, a pivotal film for both the western and samurai genres. We discuss the commanding central performance from Toshiro Mifune, the elegant simplicity of the plot and the setting, and wonder exactly how many ten year olds we could beat up.

Also, why we hate working when the time changes. (Recorded March 12, 2023.)

Today we’re talking about The Banshees of Inisherin and closing the book on the 2022 awards season films. We discuss the depressing and dark tone throughout the movie, ponder the visual effects of the severed stumps, and give out our award for Outstanding Performance by a Dog.

Also, why we hate living with cat (hairs). (Recorded March 5th, 2023.)

This week we’re talking about our top ten favorite movie endings. Topics covered include dream sequences, musical numbers, prison escape attempts, bowling pin bludgeoning, “loser dad” songs, and a brief aside about how silly the seven deadly sins are.

Also, why we hate streaming PC games to the living room TV. (Recorded February 26th, 2023.)

Today we’re talking Spielberg and his most personal film, The Fabelmans. We discuss the wonderful performances, the smart way this film adapters true-life stories, and we briefly wonder if Steven Spielberg knows his way around a modern computer.

Also, why we hate the snow making us feel old. (Recorded February 19th, 2023.)

This week we’re talking about All Quiet on the Western Front, the German-language Netflix production that’s getting a lot of Oscar buzz. We discuss some lukewarm takes for this lukewarm movie, the striking cinematography, and ponder how sometimes war is just throwing a goose with the boys.

Also, why we hate winning on a technicality. (Recorded February 14th, 2023.)

Today we’re talking about our favorite art from last year! We recap some of our favorite things that we’ve covered on the podcast before, as well as discuss some of our favorite games, movies, mangas, podcasts, bits of code we wrote, a great essay on the subject of art criticism, and the greatest dance sequence ever put to film.

Also, why we hate solving our own problems immediately before asking for help. (Recorded February 6th, 2023.)

This week we’re talking about another one of our favorites from the past year, Robert Egger’s The Northman. We discuss the cold, unflinching style, the mythological and legend-like qualities, and how our experience watching this relates to the Oxford Dictionary’s word of the year.

Also, why we hate eating soup with chopsticks. (Recorded January 22nd, 2023.)

Today we’re talking about the greatest whodunit of yesteryear, Netflix’s Glass Onion. We discuss our thoughts on this movie in relation to the first, the extravagant and excellent vacation island aesthetic, and also get confused at the sheer number of actors named Hugh.

Also, why we hate the subtitle for this film. (Recorded January 15th, 2023.)

This week we’re making some bold claims about the calendar year, and looking back on all the predictions we made for last year. Join us as we discuss and reflect on house prices, game awards, box office numbers, beloved animated revivals, celebrity death (that we DON'T WANT TO HAPPEN), and much more.

Also, why we hate time sensitive sign-ups. (Recorded January 8th, 2023.)

After taking a couple weeks off for the holidays, we’re back with what might very well be our longest episode to date with Avatar: The Way of Water. There’s so much to unpack as we discuss the breathtaking visual splendor, the still somewhat-hackneyed writing, the emotionally powerful third act, and try to figure out where this franchise is going to go from here.

Also, why we hate breaking your hand bowling. (Recorded January 1st, 2023.)